A Year In The Life.
Many things can happen in one year’s time. Good things and bad, sad things or happy even. It’s all how you take it in stride. So a year has passed. I think when you lose people in your life, indefinitely and in complete unexpected shock it converges on you. I’m not being selfish but this experience has only happened once, today being a year anniversary of that day.
I’ve lost people but usually to old age or even bad health. Not that it makes it better, losing people is terrible in any fashion. Then the debate would you want to know arises. Is it better to spend the last days of death being around those you know, or just let it happened? It’s a hard one to think about. So what happens after that? Obviously you have to keeping going on. It’s not the end of the world but in the same regard a part of that same environment is now retired, jersey hanging in the rafters for some reason I see Tet’s as 00. 
For me, the passed year has been one of the best. I’ve 86’d all personal/unhealthy bad habits. I’ve found my true skillset in my coursework. I’ve reproached how I hunt and am way more efficient in the woods. I found a guitar. My ability to remodel/repair the house has grown insanely. I’ve learned how to not stay hydrated, that was a painful but positive experience. I will never come close again to that. I’ve learned a new method of archery that I intend to pursue greatly. So much in fact it’s cut into my reloading bench time. Then reading, I’ve read more books in the last year than I have in my entire life, I could assign a book to 1/3 of last years days. The world is more clear though, the air is cleaner, the colors more vivid. My ability to see through bullshit is almost telekinetic now; I smell it long before I hear it. Then I’m long gone before I have to waste time listening to it.
Most importantly though I’ve learned focus and how get some f’ing use out of it. I’ve been circling on what changed for the last couple of months. It has though, maybe it was the last gasp of actual brain development, and maybe it was just paying attention. I’ve always paid attention though; details are my thing as someone that would rather spend time in the woods than anywhere else your efforts are wasted if you don’t know what’s going on 100 yards around you at all times, and I do. At first I figured it was figuring something out about people. As in most are idiots. Seriously, people are dumb, obviously not everyone but I have a 6th sense of detecting douche-bags in a room. Not to mention those that just are a waste of my time. So where has the focus came from. Because it exists, everything I’ve attempted has been to its fullest and excelled to its peak level from academics to my sweet horticulture abilities. It started though right after Steve passed away a year ago.
I think it’s because that particular experience rattled the hell out of me. I’ve got to be honest, 2010 wasn’t the best of years, and I sort of became lost. Everything was going through the motions, as if I was just wasting life. Then I have someone taken away so unexpectedly. Not only that but only hours after one of the greatest experiences had ever happened to me. So much in fact the one guy I share it with, I lose. I can’t complain though that experience was the last thing I got to share with Steve on the day he passed away, he was just as excited as I. He understood what it meant. We spoke the same language. I haven’t wasted a minute of it since though. I mean everything from a morning routine to sleep is different. Not because of Steve though that’s ridiculous but because of that experience, that loss, that kick in the balls. Would I trade the personal growth to have him back, you know it. Would he let me do that, no he wouldn’t.
So today I celebrate the things Steve gave me. From the knowledge to the insight, the verbatim and The Beatles. It’s Keystone and red meat tonight. Tears for Fears and Tom Petty. A fire will burn in the backyard and random objects will float in my beer glass; anyone else ever noticed the random foods Steve would have floating in his beer? ESPN on mute in the background, which in fact was one of the first things we had in common as he noticed I had ESPN on mute in the background and commented, “I do the same exact thing.”
I haven’t spent everyday missing the guy, I won’t attest to that. I can admit though when the sun is hottest and I could use a boost I tend to ask for one, especially on the bike, when it comes it’s ‘Nitrous Tet time. He was an interesting guy, one I could talk to and he actually understood what I said. Not many people actually do, sure I have things in common with everybody but there were certain things that made him and I both tick. We spoke the same language. When you lose people like that, it just sucks, but this terrible can of beer is for you Tet. Long live the Tomahawk.
